Life Goals

It seems like everyone has all of these plans for how they want their lives to turn out, these distinct goals they want to achieve. They want to get married, they want to have kids, they want to get this certain job, they want to live in this kind of house, they want to drive this particular car, they want to make this much money, they want to travel here or there. I don't care about any of that. Honestly, I don't care about much of anything.

The only thing I really do want for my life is to feel like it had value. I would pretty much live anywhere and do anything if I could just feel like, when I die, I will leave some sort of mark. I want to feel that in some way the world will be a tiny bit better because of something I did.

Sure, there are things I would like to have in my life, but I would happily give up every one of them to know for sure that I made a difference. When I try to imagine how I want my life to turn out, I can imagine a million different scenarios and, most of the time, each one seems just as good as the next. I can picture myself living almost anywhere and doing almost anything, and being okay with it, as long as what I'm doing is furthering animal rights in some way. That's all I really want.

The truth is that I just don't place that much importance on my own life. The only important thing about my life is what I do with it. I realized a long time ago that I don't think I will ever be "happy" by most people's standards. As far back as I can remember I have never actually been happy so doing things to try and make myself happy seems a bit pointless. I think the best I can hope for in my life is to feel fulfilled. At this point I think I would take fulfilled over happy anyway.

I find it very disheartening when I look around and see all of these people who want all of these things in their lives, people who care so much about things that just seem so irrelevant in the long run, when all I want is for my life to matter. How is it that so many people want big houses and expensive cars and prestigious jobs and quite often they get those things, yet all I want is to not feel useless and I still can't seem to find a way to achieve that? Sorry about the rather depressing post.